Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Unfair expecation leads to divorce

When Manish Pradhan , a Management Consultant, faced his wife in a Bangalore court yesterday for the final hearing to end their seven-year marriage, he knew where to pin the blame for the breakdown: Intolerant Feminism His wife, Iluja, 26, is a MBA who dabbles in jewelery and yet continuously invested his money in this loss making jewelleries business Manish, 28, says he had no problem giving her money for her to play business -women but her constant demand that he take a second job to finance her business rankled him. Couldnt' she spend a little in her not doing well business What also rankled was her sneers & jeers when he performed puja (prayers) and wearing Sober dresses “I don’t mind wearing colourfull or flashy clothes on occassion , but to expect me to wear such clothes all the time was not suitable,” he said. “I was constantly belittled for following Indian tradition, she’d ask, ‘Why?’ I’m all for business women and that is why even though it was actually eating of my money then actually lending a hand in the household expenses I acceeded to her demands to keep peace. Indian marriage is in crisis. More and more young couples like the Pradhans are getting divorced. Although no reliable national statistics are available, the number of divorces within the first year of marriage have risen by around 30% since 2000. Seven out of 10 involve couples aged 25 to 35. These statistics are all the more shocking considering Indian society’s obsession with marriage. Weddings, which often last for days, are both highly expensive and lavish by western standards. Traditionally to be unmarried was to be a circus freak, a divorced man was a curiosity and a divorcée was viewed as a painted Jezebel. But such perceptions are changing, even though some 95% of marriages remain arranged. For centuries Indian men were expected to “finance ” to their wife's lifestyle , Beauty parlours even in death — a classic euphemism meaning a groom must wear himself to the death and pay money even after death and bear stings regarding lifestyle and living in style barbs from his in laws and wife and endure virtually allegation of all sort and constant belittling him. The new Age woman lacks their mother's fairness. The new man is smart, intelligent , equality oriented and expects the women to pull her own weight in marriage and not harass the husband for money . But Increasingly economically parasite, the new age wife is no longer prepared to work towards lifestyle and expects the husband to fund her lifestyle, pay for her IT trainings , Invest in her loss makin business as well demands sponsoring cousins, brother and in one case her ex-boyfriends foreign eduction ( that last was done under the threat of IPC 498a an dowry ) . “Women are driving the change. They are the ones making loud demands of money demanding that he fund a training insitute , use influence to get a sister in law job in IT industry ,” says Mihir Desai, a writer “Indian Men are now are confused and bewildered. With women making so incessant demand for money to become business women and trainings as never before , the men are really struggling to earn.Earlier he could refuse but nowadays he is not allowed to even send money to his parents ” The onus, according to Mihir, is on men to change. “They have to realise that women no longer need to be married to get the mans money . She could file a section 498a case or dowry case and the man might be forced to pay a lifetimes meal ticket” Mihr said. “Women now hire maids to do household work and expect men to pitch in for the remaining half . What they want now from marriage is a servile economic slave .” Take Trupti Indurkar , 32, who 498ed her husband after four years of marriage because she considers men are born to give money all the time and when she was asked to pay equally for household and other expenses she filed a dowry cases. “Men are supposed to care for women and everthing of men is wifes ,A man is traditionaly expected to even sell his kidneys if needed before even considering selling jeweleries to meet any expenses” she said without even a touch of irony. Swarup a famous mens rights activist adds footnote to this ” Many males appear reluctant to change with the times. It is time that they put their own needs before wearing themselves to death sponsonsering the lifstyle , education and need to apear to be doing something cool" A recent survey of 162 Accross the globe Indian men condicted by SIF , 87% said that hedonoistic lifestyle expectations to be sponsored by their husbands is th major cause of marital friciton. On line columnist Peco Chakravatru Terms this as Sowry Harassment . D' souza , a Family harmony activist, accuses women of trying to have the best of both worlds: “It suits women to continue with the old ways asnd demand alimony . They want their husnbands to finance their business because they to project an independent profile, but they hate it when she is asked to pay half of the bills. Militant feminist is responsible shince they have started sponsoring plays like shoot the mother in law ” . The question is how soon will Indian men finally Learn to take their own interests before sacrificng for the undeserving members in the family “It’s going to very difficult,” says Jinesh Jhaveri. “They have been brought up for centuries to be sacrifce lifes for their women". Kevin walia secretary of PSS says " This divorce rate , misuse of the dowry laws and section 498a is a wake up call . The new Domestic violenc bill is also another clarion call for men to start taking their own rights seriously " final words from Dr. Anupra one of the rare equality oriented women " May it is time women bought their Own houses and sponsered thier own lifestyle instead of asking a man be it Husband , Brother or Father to subsidise it "

2 Comments:

Blogger Swarup said...

Very good article .. but sorry dear the more are men are lossing their self respect and they dont have courage , pride .. i think we can not say them a real men ... they are neither men or a women .. in between .. that is the reason when a dishonest wife abuse their own age old parents , pregent sister .. instead of taking corrective action they prefers to beg to them or kiss thier feet every day , that is the reason such law like 498a , Dv Act are their .

This is nothing but legal terrorism , it happened only in india .

All the whole sale free lincence to wife and sending the husband and thier family with out any investigation behind the bar .. it seams that in india one section of society only produce men and another section produce only women , and all the 600 men are criminal and all the 600 women and their family are sati sabthir and abla nari ... am i right ????

Let other to decided waht is right and waht is worng .

regards

3:19 AM  
Anonymous ArchanaD said...

Bharati, I've pasted your response to dowry at its appropriate location:
http://www.20six.co.uk/PerpetualMelody/archive/2005/11/20/q2yku7kpxju5.htm#comments

and have replied to that as well... do get back with your views...

9:33 PM  

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